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Kermit
Advanced Member
USA
9 Posts |
 Posted - December 31 2002 : 11:39:22 AM
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My name is Kermit and I'm a grateful alcoholic not as grateful as I should but as grateful as I can be at this time.
Before I took my first drink I was sick. I suffered from Resentments, Self Pity, Dishonesty and Fear. This is what I learnd from my 4th and 5th step. And I poured alcohol over these character defects for years. And needless to say they got worse (resentments, self pity, dishonesty and fear)
My bottom came when I lost the best job a person could have. Because of my drinking and my behavior I was fired from this job of 17 years. This job validated me and the humiliation from being fired was more than I could stand. But I continued to drink. But drinking was no longer fun or working for me. The thrill was gone :)
I went into a very deep depression, attempted suicide. Felt like no one understood. After about another year and a half of just drinking, drinking, drinking I sought out a psychiatrist for my depression who imediatly realized she had a sick drunk on her hands and suggested I attend AA meetings. This was not what I wanted to hear. I wanted her to heal my depression or at least tell me what I could do to get my job back. She said I was depressed though not manic but what I really needed she felt was to attend AA. Thank HP, Thank HP, Thank HP.
It was a struggle for me for the first 18 mos. denial and rebellion dogged my every step. I went through 3 sponsors in my first year. I just cried and cried and cried. I kept telling them I was depressed and they kept saying you're just FEELING SORRY FOR YOUR SELF (self pity)I did not want to hear that. But thank God for Sponsors. Just before my first year anniversary I asked an old timer to be my sponsor and he hung in there with me. He suggested because I was holding on to so much in my past that I do the 4th step. I didn't feel ready. He said if you're ready to stop hurting than the 4th step is ready to make that possible IF YOU ARE WILLING. Just before I celebrated my 2nd year I finished my 4th and 5th step. Thank HP, Thank HP, Thank HP for the STEPS. I looked and my resentments, dishonesty, self pity and fear squarley in the eye and turned them over to the God of my Understanding and for the first time in two years in the Fellowship I felt good. I could laugh and smile and not fake it. I was free and last. Getting a God of My Understanding played and important part also. Because I had grown up with a God that I thought would punish me. I now saw my God as Loving, Kind, and merciful. And only wants me to be happy and treat others as I want to be treated (real simple). March 26th 1991 I had what I pray was my last drink. What I do now is go to meetings, pray & meditate, service and the hardest atleast for me is to do the right thing simply because it's the right thing to do. This way I have peace. If you're a new comer and you're reading this. Give your self a chance. It Works.... It really does.
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Samf
Advanced Member
USA
447 Posts |
 Posted - December 31 2002 : 9:14:35 PM
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Hi, Kermit. I just wanted to thank you for sharing your story with us!
Happy New Year, Kermit!
Hope it is full of good things!
Sam
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n/a
deleted
514 Posts |
 Posted - January 01 2003 : 12:35:43 PM
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Kermit, thank you so much for sharing. It was good to hear your story and did me some good too. Again I found myself identifying instead of comparing. The feelings you shared, I had felt. It is so good to know, we don't have to do this alone. And we are not alone. And we all can identify with one another. Drunks amoung drunks. We all do have that common bond.
Again thanks,
Harry
What I am today is God's gift to me.
What I make of myself, is my gift to Him. |
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journeytoserenity
Forum Admin
USA
566 Posts |
Posted - January 01 2003 : 8:08:30 PM
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Thanks, so much, for sharing yourself with us!! Hope to hear more from you, Kermit. You have ALOT to offer....
http://www.journeytoserenity.cjb.net
Journey to Serenity Website
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"We see things NOT as THEY are - but as WE are."
"If you keep thinking things are going to be bad, you stand a good chance at becoming a Prophet." |
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journeytoserenity
Forum Admin
USA
566 Posts |
Posted - January 19 2003 : 12:34:39 PM
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bump....
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http://www.journeytoserenity.cjb.net
Journey to Serenity Website
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"We see things NOT as THEY are - but as WE are."
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Resentments, self pity, dishonesty & fear
