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Matt V.
Advanced Member
USA
36 Posts |
 Posted - December 22 2002 : 10:46:21 PM
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"We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable"
In discussions concerning the first step, I hear a lot of people talk about their inability to control thier drinking, but the aspect of unmanageability is glossed over. Of the two parts of this step, admitting unmanageability is paramount. I believed my own life was under control - even when everything I owned would fit into one small box and one large garbage bag - I had to keep my possesions to a minimum since I had no home. But - I knew what times the fast food joints would bring the leftovers out to the dumpster after closing; I knew which stores would have the biggest and best partially smoked cigarettes in the ashtrays; I knew who I could scam for booze, and how often; I knew who's floor I could crash on for a night or two, and how often I could do that. My life was under control!!
Not everyone will find themselves reduced to what I was - there are a lot of people in this program that never got that low. However, without an honest appraisal and admission of the out-of-control state that alcohol has brought your life to, your chances of success in this program are severely reduced.
Admitting "we were powerless over alcohol" is just one part of the first step - recognizing and admitting the unmamageability of life is the rest.
When in danger, when in doubt,
Run in circles, scream and shout.
Edited by - Matt V. on December 22 2002 10:47:06 PM
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Samf
Advanced Member
USA
447 Posts |
Posted - December 23 2002 : 02:29:01 AM
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I knew I was out of control, when I decided to get sober and clean. It was because I was doing things I didn't really want to do, anymore, and te culmination of that was real bad, for me.
Later, I did a formal first step and really looked at the way I had been living. I could see more of the unmanagability. And powerlessness. I took a drink, this happened.
As I went though the Big Book, I learned about things like trying to control my drinking, things in the Doctor's Opinion. I listened to other alcoholics and was able to identify with them.
It became more and more apparent that I really was an alcohoic. It was easier to see that, yes...my life was unamanagable.
I pretty much got to where I carried all my stuff around and relied on the kindness of strangers. But I really thought I was ok, for a long time.
And blackouts, for me, were part of being powerless and unmanagable. I came out of them in all sorts of bad situations. But it was the only life I knew, for a long time. It seemed to be the only way I could survive.
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n/a
deleted
514 Posts |
Posted - December 23 2002 : 08:56:40 AM
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Thanks for sharing Matt. I agree with what you say. And I can also identify. Hey I knew I was an alcohlic and an addict. But hell, my life didn't seem out of control and unmanageable. I can remember we would go out canning because we needed something to eat.
But when we cashed in and saw we had enough money to buy what we wanted, food wasn't even a priority anymore. And especially if someone was moving out, or more likely had been eveicted, and the food that was out was still frozen. Hell, now we didn't need to worry about buying the food and it gave us more incentive to continue collecting more cans and bottles so we could get more money to buy what we wanted. Yea, I knew where the people would leave the biggest butts too.
But it wasn't just the drinking and drugging I was sick and tired of. I was sick and tired of my life being so unmanageable, just as much.
And if it wasn't for becoming homeless and having to move into a shelter for the homeless, with just the clothes we had on our back. None of this may have happened.
Harry
What I am is God's gift to me.
What I make of myself is my gift to Him. |
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God_Chaser
Advanced Member
USA
75 Posts |
Posted - January 17 2003 : 05:51:12 AM
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When a guy I knew in AA sat down and explained the UNMANAGEABILITY talked about in the step and then proceeded to show me detail by gloomy detail how it related to me I couldn't argue. The horror of my situation became vividly clear.
Physically I was shot out-suffering from malnutrition due to stealing food and eating where and when I could usually out of dumpsters.
Sleeping in the woods behind the college I had previously attended and been tossed out of for assaulting the President of The Student Government.
Incarcerated for variuous infractions and sick from the absesses on my arms that had by that time become infected. Collapsed veins from IV drug use. Associating with strippers,criminals and junkies. Resorting to prostitution to support my habit(s).
It was plain to see that my life had indeed become unmanageable by me.
Michael
"In hoc cognoscent omnes quia mei estis discipuli si dilectionem habueritis ad invicem."
Thomas Merton |
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Step one - powerlessness and unmanageability
