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James57
Advanced Member
USA
2 Posts |
 Posted - September 23 2004 : 03:52:33 AM
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I come from a very disfunctional family. Way before I started using as a child I had alot of addict behavior. I was in and out of juvenile hall and institutions for car theft and running away from home. I had my first drink when I was about 14 but hated it . When I got into high school I drank some at parties and always got drunk. I used to think that it didnt cause me problems then but I believe I was wrong because I dropped out of school in my senior year and had some episodes of coming home drunk. I went in the army a year later and was sent to vietnam where things got real bad real fast. Drinking was not a problem initially in the military. I was proud of what I was doing and was feeling very good about myself. Then I had my first joint on the plane to nam and found an instant friend. Had my second about an hour after I got there and from there it was on. I was stoned every single day I was in vietnam and as a helicopter machine gunner that tends to be a very dangerous situation. I was a drug addict with a machine gun and unlimited ammo. I did speed,opium and weed there along with various other things provided by the friendly medic.
As you can imagine ,when I returned home I was a raging drug addict. Crazy from nam and crazy from dope and alcohol. Then I discovered the needle and my first heroin addict . I did some heroin and liked it but never really got strung out on it. As you may figure my military future was gone but I managed to get out with an honorable discharge and a few medals from nam. For the next 30+ years I was in hell. I stole ,lied ,cheated ,almost decimated my family and spent loads of time in nut houses and jails and drug programs through the veterans administration.
I believe those places kept me alive long enough to get to narcotics anonymous. That and a god that must love me more than I could ever imagine and a mother who refused to let me die. Today I am working the twelve steps and will have 4 years clean and sober in june but I am just beginning to realize just how broken I am. To not work the steps for me would be to die. The miracles that I see in my life today and the friends and the healing in my family are all because I came with just alittle bit of willingness and it mushroomed from there into a relationship with my higher power I choose to call god and a life I never thought possible.
James DOS: 6/6/2000
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