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Screensize: 640 x 480 800 x 600 1024 x 768 1280 x 1024 UserName: Password: Enter Anti SPAM Code: Click here to refresh this page Format Mode: Basic  Help  Prompt  Format: Font Andale Mono Arial Arial Black Book Antiqua Century Gothic Comic Sans MS Courier New Georgia Impact Lucida Console Script MT Bold Stencil Tahoma Times New Roman Trebuchet MS Verdana   Size 1 2 3 4 5 6   Color Black Red Yellow Pink Green Orange Purple Blue Beige Brown Teal Navy Maroon LimeGreen Message Icon:                             Message: * HTML is OFF * Forum Code is ON Smilies [quote][i]Originally posted by aries72[/i] [br][center][/center][size=4][/size=4][b][/b]Hi everybody, I do believe it is time to share my experience, strength and hopes again. 29 years ago I wandered into An AA Clubhouse, looking for something - I really didn't know, except that I wanted to learn how to control my drinking. I know that is a laugh now, it wasn't then. Anyway I hung around the clubhouse for approximately 18 months trying to (figger things out), that was about it. Liked the comraderie of the people within, and desperately wanted to join until one day it hit me, all I had to do was admit I was an alcoholic, whew that was easy. I did just that, jumped in with both feet and immediately wanted to help every where I could. One day a cool old timer suggested that just maybe I should slow down - that was hard and learn how to listen, another hard lesson - I tried and voila it seemed to work a little. Becoming involved in the clubhouse, reading my book the best I could and going to meetings. Slowly some things began to creep into my brain and I volunteered for Hospitals and Institutions, gave me a little more self esteem as I actually was giving of myself freely with no expectations, what a concept. Life continued on, worked the steps with a sponser, my best at the time, but something was tugging at me for I wasn't really and truly being honest with myself, somehow I couldn't then. I got a great job with the state, and was trying very hard to help my kids too, my youngest joined Alateen for awhile and that definitely has helped, thank God. Time went on, some days feeling great, some days not sure of anything, couldn't get the concept of trust. Also couldn't quite let go of all my old ideas - for you see I was a Controller, people pleaser and a fixer, ugh, thank God that is gone. Advanced soberly one day at a time for 7 years - then one fateful night I found myself angry at something, nevertheless very angry - flew out of the clubhouse ran to the nearest liqour store for some nasty beer, yes I did drink it with lots of remorse, guilt and fear. Went to a meeting the next morning, hangover and all to admit what I had done, feeling very low. A friend suggested that maybe now I can work the program for me, ONLY ME, wow a very enlightned idea. That is what I tried to do, still had a few things I had to do (my will of course) but no drinking, thank God. Resigned my job and went on a trip with a friend, disaster all the way until I found myself one day calling a Recovery place I knew about, made an appointment and followed through. The best thing I could have done for myself finally, finally got the message that all healing takes place within, begins with me, for without healing self we are no good to or for anybody else, finally got the message, thank God again and again and again. This time I listened to a great sponser when I left the recovery house, again she suggested SLOW DOWN, okay this time I will, and worked the steps diligently for 12 months, a step a month - worked the heck out of it, talked about and lived them. Truly was fanatastic this time for I had given in finally and was willing to work on myself, nobody else. Got acquainted with Jackie all over again, learned how to accept the moment for that is all we have, grateful for that moment today too. Today 22 years later I can honestly say yes this is the most fantastic program for sickees, today I am not sick and tired,,just getting older and that is okay. Grateful to God, AA and all my friends who have helped me on my journey to serenity, who have given me hope, suggestions, and love. I still go to meetings, you betcha, for that is how I hear what it is like out there, only to more grateful than when I walked in. Too take a drink today is totally out of the question for my loving God and AA have gently and persuavely removed the obsession. Have learned to walk through all my problems, utilizing the 12 steps, for they are my guidlines to peace, love and serenity - and especially the love of my Higher Power, whom I choose to call God today. I do believe that is enough, brought you up to date - the year 2003 - God willing we all will find the peace and serenity one day at a time, while just letting go and letting God be in control. No more control today, have learned how to say "no", no more yes person, people pleaser, have found with the peace I was searching for some 60 years ago, I owe it all to God, AA and good people whom guided me along the way. God bless you all. [url]http://jackieoneil/homestead.com/JourneyinTimeII.html[/url] [/quote]   Check here to include your profile signature.