| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| n/a |
Posted - January 18 2003 : 9:12:24 PM
I drank, I did drugs, and I lost.
My first drink was given to me around the age of 3. And from that age until 16, I did drink here and there, but didn't have my first drunk until I was 16. Got sick, and woke up with a hangover. Didn't like that, and decided I wouldn't drink so much again. Didn't really drink much from 16 till the age of 17. Didn't drink to get drunk anyway.
I was just a time bomb waiting to go off. At 17 I joined the Army and that is when I started learning to drink to get drunk. And even though I would get sick and wake up with hangovers, it didn't stop me. It was the thing to do and the way to fit in.
Even though I got into jackpots while I was in the Army, I had plenty of enablers, because I did my job right and was always capable of doing my job. In 1965 I was stationed in Germany for 3 years and that is probably when I crossed the line. For when I had the money, when I went out to drink, I always got drunk. And although I didn't always get into trouble when I got drunk, everytime I did get into trouble I was drunk.
After 8 years in the Army, I got out in February 1970. I was 25 years old, decided I had my fun and I would settle down, look for a woman to marry and settle down and have children and do the right thing. And I wasn't really doing to bad on not drinking. Until April of 1970. My best friend died, my mother. My whole world came to an end. I was drinking every chance I had. Moved to Chicago, figuring that maybe that would change things. Well it did. I got involved with drugs. First it was pot and drinking Matuese Wine. Pot and rose wine went together well. Didn't drink to get drunk, just sipped. But I was smoking a lot of pot. Got involved in dealing it so I could afford it. Then started dabbling in different types of acids, mushrooms, and other psycodelic drugs. And I fell in love with them. Was getting involved with them too much, had an opportunity to get away. I was suppose to go to AZ to pick up pot for my dealer. Went there, got paranoid, and took a plane back home where I lived. Ripping off my dealer.
Got back home, and instead of getting a job and doing right, I started getting involved in another addiction. Gambling. Always liked it, had the money now to do, what I considered some big time gambling. Poker, horses, dogs and betting on where the first snowflake would hit the ground and always lit with pot. And my drinking to get drunk took right off again. From middle 70's till 80 I continued drinking and smoking pot. In 1980, I started doing the real love of my life, cocaine. Fell in love with it. Blew every penny I ever worked for, on it. In 88 I started smoking crack cocaine. The beginning of my reaching my bottom.
October 88 I went into an alcohol and drug program in a VA. But, I just wanted to get off crack. Still wanted to smoke pot and drink. I wasn't that bad. Was introduced to AA but alcoholics couldn't identify and relate to an addict. I only compared the stories. Stayed there for three months and went to a half-way house for six months. 3 months at the half-way house I got a job, was feeling good, and within 2 more months I picked up pot again. Graduated from the House under false pretenses of still being clean and sober. After I graduated and got out of the House, I picked up drinking vodka. The second love of my life. First time I ever drank it straight. Did everything to me I wanted it to. Became a daily drinker. At my worst. Was that way for 9 months and signed into a 14 day intense drug rehab program. Managed to stay clean and sober for 20 months. Never really got involved with the program of AA. although I did attend meetings pretty regular for 1 year.
So 8 months later, no more meetings, had stopped asking for help a long time ago, and I picked up vodka again. And that first night, picked up the drug of my choice, crack cocaine.
Ten years and change later, I became homeless and I was beaten to my bottom. Had to go to a shelter for homeless people. First night, I went to an AA meeting. And although I can't remember a thing I heard there, not that I could hear anything, when I picked up my 24hr chip, I finally felt a touch of hope. I felt I did belong and that I finally found someplace where I fit in.
I came in, but for the Grace of God, and a precious gift. The Gift Of Desperation. I started going to meetings on a daily basis. Sometimes 2 or 3 a day. I was desperate to find out how to put the drink and the drug down and keep it down. I was desperate to find a new life and a new way to live.
Eventually I came to belive in a Higher Power in my life, and started working on making a spiritual contact with the program and my Higher Power. Took me a little time, but around 18 months, I started getting scared. Coming up on the 20 month mark. I was afaid of going back out. My first sponsor hadn't even started working on the Steps. Although he was real good for me in my first 18 months, I feel someone my Higher Power put into my life, it was time to move on. On to the next step. Working the Steps. So I got a sponsor, who has a sponsor. who has a sponsor, and so forth, that has worked the steps and was working them on a daily basis in his life.
The biggest steps for me to take was doing my 4th and 5th step. But I have stopped after doing the 6th and reading up on the 7th.
I have started going to a Big Book Step Meeting. I really like what I see in these people. And I want what they have.
So right now I am checking out people at this meeting. Trying to get comfortable. Looking for someone I will feel comfortable with, identify with and can relate to. So I can get one of these guys as my sponsor, that has worked the Steps this way and that has a sponsor that has worked the steps this way. So I can work the Steps this way.
I am looking to move forward and develop and strengthen my spiritual foundation.
The past 2 years have been the best 2 years of my life. They have been beyond my wildest dreams. I never thought a life like this was possible for me or anyone else.
So I do this to the best of my ability. Always keeping an open mind and always trying to stay teachable.
One thing I can say, this program works, if you work it. I will only get out of it, what I put into it.
Harry
What I am is God's gift to me.
What I make of myself, is my gift to Him. |
| 8 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| Samf |
Posted - March 29 2003 : 12:28:26 PM
Harry,
Just want to thank you for your sharing your story.
I am so glad you are here!
And thank you for being such a blessing in my life.
My HP is so good to me.
And am glad you are making it, one day at a time!
God bless you!
Sam
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| n/a |
Posted - January 23 2003 : 8:44:59 PM
No apology needed. I still appreciate the input. I need all the help I can get. I definitely like what I have, but I am always looking to improve, no matter how liitle it is. And with people like you and others, keeping me in touch with reality helps. Helps me to remember where I came from and what I am. So, I thank you for keeping me in check. Like I said, I need all the help I can get. So don't stop posting no matter what. Honesty keeps me in line.
Harry
What I am is God's gift to me.
What I make of myself, is my gift to Him. |
| Kermit |
Posted - January 23 2003 : 07:40:49 AM
Hi Harry and JTS
I apoligize for what I wrote and ask that you accept my ammends (my 10th step)I had not read where the stories were for alcoholics, addicts and dual disorder stories.
Once again forgive me |
| journeytoserenity |
Posted - January 20 2003 : 11:01:29 PM
I, totally, respect this opinion. I, however, believe that EVERYTHING - in my life - I talk about IS relatd to alcoholism. Maybe that's why people in AA seem to "know" me...wherever I go. I am a strong advocator of talking about whatever "IT" is, in meetings, until it doesn't HAVE to be talked about anymore. Everything about my life, when I first found AA, was about alcoholi....the drugs, the sex, the stealing, etc., etc. Many, many others have always been able to relate to my story - in AA. Drugs are a part of my drinking story - so is sex.....criminal activity is, too. As well as my mental health problems. All my cons and everything I did to seek the "easier, softer" way.
For ME to leave any of that out.....is not, IMHO, being honest with myself. I found all I needed to combat all of this in AA alone.
Thanks! 
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http://www.journeytoserenity.cjb.net
Journey to Serenity Website
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"We see things NOT as THEY are - but as WE are."
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| n/a |
Posted - January 20 2003 : 9:18:49 PM
Kermit, I honestly thank you for trying to help. And it isn't though you didn't help either. I was an alcoholic before I got into drugs. I was an alcohlic for many years. More than I was into drugs. Alcohol is a drug.(Period) And if you read in the Doctors
Opinion, it is even mentioned there as alcohol being an addiction. I go to A.A. Meetings primarily, because I like the recovery. I do also go to N.A. Meetings, because I am an addict and I like the recovery. I am in this for recovery, and that is the bottom line. I'm not saying this to backlash. Just so you will understand how I feel about ALL drugs, which is to include alcohol for me. And I am not speaking for anyone else but myself.
Thanks for the input. I still do appreciate it.
I drank alcoholically, crossing the line, somewhere around 1966 until 1990.
Harry
What I am is God's gift to me.
What I make of myself, is my gift to Him. |
| Kermit |
Posted - January 20 2003 : 6:32:05 PM
give up your denial about being an alcoholic. It's all in your story. In the beginning I denied my alcoholism too. I thought it was more fashionable to be an addict. How we identify is very important in AA. AA is not allied with any sect, denomination, politics or organization. I have a lot of other addictions also but in AA I'm an Alcoholic first and foremost and in AA I confine my discussions to my problems as they relate to alcoholism. NA is the best place to discuss your drug problems and GA for your gambling problems.
not saying this to disturb you, only so that you'll understand. We're here for the alcoholic who is still suffing. That's AA's PRIMARY PURPOSE.
Love n Service,
K. |
| journeytoserenity |
Posted - January 19 2003 : 12:35:41 PM
bump....
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http://www.journeytoserenity.cjb.net
Journey to Serenity Website
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"We see things NOT as THEY are - but as WE are."
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| journeytoserenity |
Posted - January 19 2003 : 12:23:55 PM
Thanks for this, Harry!! I learned how to drink and drug in the military, too. Funny how that is.....
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http://www.journeytoserenity.cjb.net
Journey to Serenity Website
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"We see things NOT as THEY are - but as WE are."
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