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notplastered
Advanced Member
USA
56 Posts |
 Posted - November 12 2002 : 11:50:20 AM
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I got a referral for a 12th step call from our service desk (I'm on their list of volunteers) and was cautioned that the caller was really ripe. Well I called him and boy he was a doozy, just plain snockered and then some. I made sure that I had his phone number and assured him I would call him the next day, take him to a meeting... if and only if... he was not drinking.
Well, the next day he would have nothing to do with me. I feel I did the right thing. I won't try to 12th step an active drunk. It's like shouveling *** against the tide.
What's your experience here?
AA I O U
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Tinker
Advanced Member
74 Posts |
 Posted - November 12 2002 : 2:20:34 PM
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It tells us in the Big Book that we may have to wait until they are done. Working with a wet drunk is not something I have found rewarding. Once they get the lumps back the remorse is usually gone. Years ago they did a lot more wet drunk 12th step work...today AA is well known...and other than giving them a questionare pamphlet I think its best to let them get their own scabs. I also would not give a wet drunk my phone number...have had many after the bar closes calls and have had to change my number. I think you did what you could do...
Everyday is Pay Day in A.A. |
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n/a
deleted
6 Posts |
Posted - November 12 2002 : 3:47:08 PM
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My experience in 12 step calls is to not try to talk to someone when they are drunk. It is not because I don't think everyone is entitled to sobriety. They are. But in my experience people who are drinking when I am doing a 12 step call rarely even remember anything I say the next day or they are too combative to hear anything. They have to want sobriety. I have made exceptions to the no talking to someone who is drunk rule but usually have had to wait until they are sober and far more reachable.
You did the right thing I think.
For 24 hours I can do anything! |
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n/a
deleted
514 Posts |
Posted - November 12 2002 : 4:47:10 PM
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I really haven't had the opportunity to talk with anyone that is drunk. And try to talk to them about getting sober.
When I think of the way I was when I was actively drinking, even if I was in the pity pot, I wouldn't really listen to anyone. Ya, maybe for five minutes or until I got the next drink. I don't know, I just think of the way I was. My thinking, how beligerent I was and how arrogant I was. I know for this drunk, people were wasting their time on me while I was drunk and I guess I feel that's the way any other drunk would respond.
And from what I have heard from others before me and have had the experience, ya, it's like trying to shovel s**t against the tide and slamming you right back in the face.
But don't get me wrong. I will and have talked to people who I know, and are drunk. I don't treat them badly or look down on them. But for the Grace of God, there go I.
Harry
What I am is God's gift to me.
What I make of myself is my gift to Him.
Edited by - Harry on November 12 2002 4:49:47 PM |
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journeytoserenity
Forum Admin
USA
566 Posts |
 Posted - November 15 2002 : 1:25:26 PM
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Hey, Ted.....
I have had many experiences with this and had to decide that when someone approaches me, or calls me, drunk - I will kinda check their state of mind then ask them to contact me after some food, a shower, and some sleep. I think talking to someone under the influence is like talking to the wall...however, I am aware that there are a high percentage of suicides that occur while under the influence. So, if they seem to be anything other than suicidal, or homocidal, I tell them I am unable to speak with them in their present condition. I am more than willing to lose sleep with a call from someone not drinking, but have to draw the line when they are.....
**************************************
"We see things NOT as THEY are - but as WE are."
"If you keep thinking things are going to be bad, you stand a good chance at becoming a Prophet." |
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CarolD
Advanced Member
USA
36 Posts |
Posted - November 15 2002 : 6:03:01 PM
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As a former blackout drinker... who called everyone listed in a phone book...
I will talk to a wet drunk for a short time.
I will not go on 12 step calls to a drunks home.
 Carol
Together We Win Over Addiction! |
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Music
Advanced Member
USA
5 Posts |
Posted - November 15 2002 : 9:02:57 PM
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Hi all,
Great site and glad to be here. My first post as I just registered today.
My experience has been that I ask the drunk if he will pour out the rest of what he has and get some rest and I'll call him back the nest day. If he's still receptive I'll get a friend and go for a visit. If not...oh well.
Love you all and good to be here.
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Samf
Advanced Member
USA
447 Posts |
Posted - November 15 2002 : 9:26:12 PM
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Hey, Music!
Hi! happy to see you.
I've talked to people, when they are drinking, before.
I've also said I'd have to talk to someone, when they were sober, if they still wanted to.
I've never been to someone's house on a twelve step call, when they were drinking...unless it was someone I knew.
That's about all I have.
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journeytoserenity
Forum Admin
USA
566 Posts |
Posted - November 15 2002 : 10:07:09 PM
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Hey, MUSIC!!!! Really great to see you here!! Please come back and share with us more, k?? You have so very much to offer!!!!
**************************************
"We see things NOT as THEY are - but as WE are."
"If you keep thinking things are going to be bad, you stand a good chance at becoming a Prophet." |
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Patsyd1
Advanced Member
USA
16 Posts |
Posted - November 19 2002 : 10:05:06 AM
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My experience has been that when someone is drunk, they can not hear. That was my experience with my own drunkenness... I just wanted sympathy, and someone who's ear I could bend LOL
The last time someone called me drunk, I was talking with them and realized that she had been drinking and in fact was drunk. I talked with her for a few minutes, and when I shared with her that it would be best if she called me back when she wasn't drinking.... I was told to "Go and F*ck myself"... hmmmmmmm lesson learned LOL
Love
Patsy
Failed 12 Step Call? Not if we walk away sober! |
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Matt V.
Advanced Member
USA
36 Posts |
Posted - December 17 2002 : 1:20:32 PM
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You can talk to someone who's drunk. You can talk with someone who's not. Big difference.
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Tommy
Advanced Member
8 Posts |
Posted - January 05 2003 : 7:12:07 PM
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from my experience,I don`t talk to a drunk on the phone.I tell them to call back the next day if they are sober.
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journeytoserenity
Forum Admin
USA
566 Posts |
Posted - January 05 2003 : 10:26:42 PM
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Welcome, Tommy!! Hope you keep coming....great to have you!!
*****************************************
http://www.journeytoserenity.cjb.net
Journey to Serenity Website
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"We see things NOT as THEY are - but as WE are."
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Tommy
Advanced Member
8 Posts |
Posted - January 06 2003 : 01:51:58 AM
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thanks JTS
have a good day!
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God_Chaser
Advanced Member
USA
75 Posts |
Posted - January 06 2003 : 8:20:54 PM
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I keep in mind the phrase "if you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it, then you are ready to take certain steps". In my thinking the first of those steps when working with a drinking drunk is to not drink for one day and making it to that first meeting. Even if the guy is not successful in avoiding the drink, if he is willing to attend the meeting and listen I figure a seed has been planted.
I may not converse alot depending on how drunk the guy is, if he's been drinking and still able to comprehend and articulate adequately or his behavior isn't to irratic I will show up the next night with the assumption we are going to a meeting, 9 times out of ten the guy will go along. I will look for a reduction in his alcohol consumption if he's been unable to abstain completely. Even if he continues to drink, as long as he he willing to continue meeting attendance I will continue to show up to take him to the meeting.
The only requirement is a desire to stop drinking, he doesn't have to stop drinking all at once only have that desire and as long as he exhibits that desire we'll attend meetings, setting abstinence as a long range goal.
His being sober would certainly make me more comfortable, but the 12 step call isn't necessarily about me or my comfort. I am to be of service and as long as I am not in any emminent physical danger I can tolerate a degree of intoxication.
Michael
"In hoc cognoscent omnes quia mei estis discipuli si dilectionem habueritis ad invicem."
Thomas Merton |
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Do you t alk to someone when they are drunk?
